Brrrrrrrr but good

The icy jump is complete. Going in is NOT bad, it is the coming out part. When I caught my breath, one little swear word did come out-whoops. I only have one picture-pre-jump-hubby got confused with the camera. The oldest was trying to video tape and he missed me! Oh well, tons of school people got pics so will post those next week. I am going to go get in the bath now-the lake stink is still sticking to me:)

week long polar plunge forecast

The Polar Plunge is less then 24 hours away and the weather this week has not been encouraging. The Saturday forecast started out good early this week, high of 46. By Wednesday we were under a winter warning, today and tonight we have had snow, snow, snow and a high in the teens. Tomorrow is supposed to be in the 30's so that is looking a little better...I think I was under the grand illusion that winter would be over by Feb. 28 and we may have one of those freaky February days when it is 60 or so. Not so lucky... It is okay, I did my research, there are groups of people in Finland who participate in "winter swimming", supposed to be GOOD for you-almost theraputic actually (I am sure when I am done I will look just like the lovely ladies in the Pic-avid winter swimmers they are). I am just keeping that thought in mind-the other thought is "Damn, it is going to be cold", I just hope I don't have a lot of swearing words come out at this family event.

Random thoughts

This week is going to be one of those melancholy weeks I think, where I ponder deep thoughts, worry deep thoughts, and think of others very deeply.
It started with what one of our good friends called "Cherapy", so she came over and we had one of those martini nights where we dig in and talk about things just the two of us know and share and it is all on the table. We don't do it often and it is always a treat, but I think it brings on thoughts so here some are in a ramblling sort of way.

Harmless liver spot thoughts-these are the thoughts that have been creeping in more than I would like and the thoughts I have the least control over, they make mind wander and go down very dark roads, Grrr hate those thoughts

MS thoughts-my favorite coworker I have only known a year, who is 28, and have mentioned before is fighting her own dark thoughts and the realization that her body is not her own. She is so like me, strong, controlling and tries to not show weakness or worry-I so "get" her and to see her down just breaks my heart

Work thoughts-I am gearing up for meeting all my new kindergartners for next year. I love meeting new families but with it brings parents with new worries, fears, and the yearly ritual for them of why their child needs SO much help, IQ numbers, age scores yada yada, when I really want them to leave the meeting knowing is their child will be loved and I am here for them.

Ending of the three year journey of my masters and I will miss it, not the homework but the journey, the goal and knowing THIS is what I really want to do, to affect as many students and families as I can, and hope those opportunities will show themselves.

My wonderful older son and his oh-so-emotional side, the good one he shows. When he heard of my special award he said, "See mom, that goes with my new motto I told you about, Don't give up, go for your dreams, that is how I am going to live!" I know you will big guy, I KNOW

funny things kids say

I was helping oldest with his homework, when hubby says, "You should be really glad you have a teacher of the year helping you with your homework". Oldest says, "Wow mom, I am impressed, teacher of the year for your whole school", meanwhile youngest pops in, "What did mom do?" Hubby says, "Mommy got teacher of distinction for her school". Youngest blurts out " Teacher of dis stink ton? Peeee-u"

*Sigh*

Ahhh the big 3 evening marathon is over! 2 nights of classes and one night of conferences checked off! Only one class for the next 3 weeks. Here is a run down of the good the bad and the ugly this week

Good
Portfolio-done and turned in
One philosophy of education written and turned in
Teacher of Distinction Nomination to represent my building
ATHLETA dress arrives and it ROCKS-I think I will lounge in it around the house

Bad
Not seeing the boys all week
Excessive caffiene intake
Not sleeping and dreaming of homework on my laptop

Ugly
Icky kids who called my son a "reptile geek" on Wednesday and put a "kick me" sign on his back today-luckily the teacher found the sign, and I trust her to handle it. But I tell you what that kind of kid stuff just sets me off

Oh by the way I should put down the BEST-I am not going to do one piece of homework this weekend, doing nothing and having FUN

For Karen

Here are the recipes for a romantic night "in"

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/italian-antipasto-salad-recipe/index.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/wolfgang-puck/straw-and-hay-pasta-recipe/index.html

Homework break #2

So here is how the weekend has looked by the logged in homework hours:
Sat-11:00-4:00
Sun-10:00-2:00 and 8:30-9:30
Mon-11:00-still going ONNNNNNNNN

I don't know how people who work at home do it, I HATE sitting here working uggggg. I dread opening my laptop. Today I actually stayed home, went to my classroom the last two days for deep thinking assignments. I am determined to get these things done TODAY, class the next 2 nights, and parent/teacher conferences on Thur leave no open evening time. I have to give credit to the boys-they have been great and hubby who has been cooking away all weekend and doing other odd errands.
I have to admit the sitting I am enjoying-my lower half is so sore from boot camp I have missed for two weeks that I can hardly walk:)

Homework break

A few pics from my homework break. I have a dear friend who is retiring this year and moving. She has the cutest little house by the creek and wanted some pictures of it for keepsakes. Alec and I headed out there for some winter fun. Ok, whoops I forgot the pictures:)

Chalk one up for the boys

I have joked previously regarding the dreaded spring parent/teacher conference-being only for "those" kids. Well I was proven wrong this time around. Oldest son's FABULOUS, WONDERFUL 4th grader teacher had a conference to express how great she thinks he is doing. He has become so much more into writing, wanting to do a good job and taking responsibility that it has been awesome to see. There are still the issues of organizing, joking around, and getting off task, but the progress overshadows all of that.

Younger son had a conference and is doing awesome, talk of putting him in second grade for math time is a little scary, I knew he was good at math-really good, but that weirded me out. He definitely takes after hubby in that area.

On another note working on my polar plunge costume. I am so proud of our school, the kids have raised 600.00 in 3 days in a penny war! We are having a friendly competition with a school on the westside-I am sure they will cream us in the fundraising dept. but who cares. I am 25.00 from my own personal goal but not too worried about. It has been fun to get excited about a great cause, and I can't wait to jump for my boys and my kiddos at school. There is a student I don't even know in first grade whose mom told the secretary he can't wait to see the Pink Power Ranger!

crabby hubby

A quick note...

Crabby hubby, makes me crabby!

5 years and still firing up the candles

So after my mild mental crash on Monday, here is the real post I had planned. Bear with me if it gets long, but I think you will enjoy it. 5 years is a big deal and I will not let my expecations of what it should have been or current sinus infection ruin it!

Tomorrow will be hubby's birthday, February 5th. So of course this brings me to what was I doing five years ago on that very evening.

February 5th I recieved a call from a drs. office-expecting it to be-just checking in have a good life. Well that is not how it went, instead I got, "Can you come in over your lunch hour?" Any call from a dr wanting you to come in over your lunch hour is not good. I call hubby, he plans to meet me there-he goes to the wrong floor. I recieve the news that I have cancer in a polyp and am ALREADY scheduled to see a surgeon that after noon and surgery in one week, by myself.

The first person I tell is a coworker-like a second mom to me-I rant and rave and cry until I get dry heaves.

We go see the surgeon, get the scoop and we go pick up the boys. At this point telling the boys or explaining isn't even an issue at the ages of almost 5 and 2 some things are better left unsaid.

My oldest bounds into the car and says, when are we having cake and the candles. CAKE? CANDLES? Tonight? I remember there is a birthday to celebrate and something the little boy as looked forward to all week. We arrive in the house and all he can do is bounce around and talk about eating cake and candles.

So my face swollen and puffy I get out the cake and the candles, he is so honored he gets to put them on. Of course at this time I am making phone calls and recieving phone calls and he is tugging wanting to know when is it TIME. Finally we all go to the kitchen and huddle around the cake. Then like a pearl of wisdom he says with joy, " Go mom, do it- FIRE UP the candles!"

And there it is-the phrase I have thought about numerous times in the last five years. FIRE UP THE CANDLES

I was hoping after five years that I would have learned something from a cruddy experience. That I could hear the word cancer and not have an anxiety attack-that doesn't happen. I want to say I get up each day and am thankful down deep that I am here-that doesn't always happen either. I want to say that I don't obsess over every lump, bump or sickness in my children-I don't. I want to say that I am a stronger, better person so many say they become after something like this-I just don't know. What I do know is that I was given a gift and I may not appreciate it daily but there are small things I notice more-sunsets, laughs, the feel of my son's skin, the brown of their eyes and the length of their lashes, time with friends and the importance of empathy. I also know this, savor joy now (for you Bobbi) wherever and however you find it. And I do know for me joy comes in "firing up the candles", somehow but not just someday-somenow

Disheartened

Have you ever anticipated a milestone or event in a good way and then it came and you were left with "gee that didn't go the way I planned" or an actual feeling of disappointment? Well that is how I feel tonight.
I had grand plans of writing an uplifting and positive story about the big 5 year check up I had this week for the big "C" word I hate to mention. And I still might, but tonight is not the night. First of all my surgeon did say, "great news you met the five year mark, we can say you are cured, and usually we would cut you loose of lab work and CT Scans but...." Yeah I love when the word BUT comes into a conversation with a DR. So he continues to tell me "they" have been watching a few teeny spots on my liver the last couple of years. Ummm yeah, news to me. Well they haven't changed, they know what they are and they are totally benign-he said that word about 3 times-he knows I am cancer-phobic-and not to worry. Oh, ok. So instead of not coming in anymore, just need to have lab and CT scan in another year. I trust him I really do, if he was concerned he would be on it, but trust-or faith if you want to call it that is hard for me to come by in moments like this.
If I place it in perspective I know it is all good news but I can't help sitting here disheartened and a little bitter. THIS was the one appt in five years I walked into not sweating bullets, and not having an anxiety attack and tricked myself into being positive and still feel like I got kicked in the pants. I had run through the scenario in my mind of "Congratulations", "Nice to know you" and "Goodbye" and the let down was just not anticipated. On top of it oldest son comes home after a bad day and cries-cries about a recess incident, which escalates into how he has no friends, no one asks him to be a reading buddy or pick him to sit by at lunch. He says it is because he is selfish. I am chalking it up to a bad day, but always worry-he is not mr. popular and does annoy kids with his quirky ways. I SOOOOO don't want my kids to be depressed or feel lonely-I have been there and done that and would do anything to protect them from that but know I can't. His teacher is so awesome and I would think she would have mentioned this if it was ongoing but with the day I have had it just eats at me.
So thank you friends for reading my downer of a post-not at all what I intended to post about this week.

This too will pass, disheartened with a touch of bitter is where I sit now, but tomorrow is a new day...

As long as we are talking husbands

So Carey and Karen have done some husband bragging so thought I better give it a try. I have been annoyed with hubby and his crabbiness last week and his general insensitivity when this weekend he comes through. I had class from 8-6 yesterday. I call home at lunch to see if he needs anything and he said no but do you want me to make a sandwhich and have it ready. Doh.... Then on my way home at night I call again and he says no, but he has a plate in the fridge with a real home cooked meal on it-chicken, risotto and corn. Doh...again. Ok, I give the man credit where credit is due and gotta love him for pulling through when it counts:)

ping, ping, ping

So what do you get when you take a pretty active on the go kid and then put him on steroids for his cough? You get a pinging kid, pinging from one piece of furniture to the other, pinging conversation-irritable pinging mouth syndrome and a pinging mom who is going to send him outdoors to ping. It reminds me of somebody playing pinball in my living room but with a 7 year old size boy-give me strength-oh never mind give his teacher strength-for tomorrow:)