Teachers have a saying and some parent experts also, "Pick the hill you die on" or "pick your battle wisely". What they mean is with kids you sometimes need to pick your battles for the ones that will make the most impression. In other words don't sweat the small stuff. We also have "hovering" and "rescuing". Or know as "black hawk down" parents as some colleges now call them. These are the parents who rush in to fix EVERYTHING so the child won't feel pain, stress, anxiety, sadness etc-really anything that gives you your real character. I can be an excellent non-hoverer but sometimes my worry gets the best of me, so oblige and "fix it". Where is this going you are wondering? Well Big fry today called me to bring HIS planner to school, this was the third time. The first two we did, I happened to be out and about so didn't mind, same with the hubby. We told him the next time he was on his own. He still called, I ignored. I chose not to be a hovering, rescuing black hawk down parent (I am practicing this now before middle school). This also happened to be the same day that usual relaxed hubby had enough of the morning routine of "pestering, picking and pain in the A** behavior" and grounded them to rooms for the night and EACH night that it doesn't go well.
Ok so what this leads to is I pick up the fries-big and small. Big fry is livid with me, I nicely and empathatically say, "not my planner". I hear door slamming, endure glares, pouting and everyone goes to their room, and then...compliance, niceness and acceptance of the responsibillity without any words-I can just tell-they got it. Message delivered. I really think tomorrow we will leave quietly, nicely and with planner in hand.
Bottom of the story is...
Yes this is a small hill, but don't worry I won't be defeated. Sometimes the best lessons are learned in the small stuff.
7 comments:
yep. i was JUST talking about this yesterday. i've been letting big J "hang" a few times lately as well, and we have seen a change in the way he gets things done and watches out for himself. i heard someone say that the key to raising kids is to save "NO" for the really important things, so that when you do say it they know you mean it. i think you are doing a GREAT JOB, by the way.
i call those "hover" parents "helicopter moms" but i enjoy black hawk down. that's a good one.
oooooooooh, yeeeeaaaaahhhh.
The office lady at the middle school (who I once yelled at for refusing to excuse Bubba into my care because I'm not his legal guardian, but who is now my friend) ever so kindly suggested that I stop bringing him his lunch. It was happening three or four days a week. ONE hungry lunch hour and it has NEVER happened again.
We KNOW these are little battles, and little successes, but heck, we've got to take what we can, right?
I used your black hawk down terminology today!
you guys seem so smart about this stuff! this seems genius.
I actually got the terminology from my friend who has a daughter in college. The Dean used it at the parent orientation, that the new generation of college parents were way past the hovering stage.
Karen awesome about the lunch, see only took once. By the way hubby said the boys were very quiet and compliant this AM wahoooooo
Like I said, Cher. Little battles, little victories. There are others that will take longer, but I'm going to bask in the glow of taking this one little hill.
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