I don't like to rant on my blog, because all of you are so good at NOT ranting and being motivating and such but I had a weak moment today. I tend to have weak moments and lapse into old patterns of self pity when it comes to all things with my health. Long story short I have a cervical polyp-not to be confused with previous polyps but a polyp just the same. The dr is VERY reassuring, "always benign", can have it removed no hurry BUT due to your history getting removed is a good idea or if it doesn't bother you just cancel the appt later blah, blah blah. So I get in the car and lose it of course, almost a full blown panic/hissy fit in the car-which I haven't done in a long time. I come home and get on the dreaded internet and read words like "rarely", less then 1% yada yada yada. These words would be reassuring to most but my over reaction revolves around these same things said to me 5 years ago. I hate losing control-over my emotions, my body, my patterns of thinking. I hate that the word polyp/pathology in the same sentence just sends into panic mode, absolutely not doubt about it hate IT. My bestest friend is reassuring, says go in get it checked and move on, hubby reiterates that thought and actually shows some empathy-big step for him the non-worrier.
I decide to end the pity party-when there really isn't a need for one and take older son for a bike ride while I run and sweat it out. I am indulging in this one written rant and then hoping it will all fall into perspective, as it should.
6 comments:
hope today is better. fear is just such a "life sucker outer" - may God give you a REAL deep down peace inside that He has you covered...down to the last cell. i like your "realness" cher.
I love you Cher Bear. I walked yesterday and prayed out loud for you. I asked God for something to tell you, and while I didn't *hear* anything, I kept seeing the azaleas and their crazy bright blooms and kept thinking that if God provides for them, He will surely provide for you.
Cher, never apologize for needing to vent, God knows I do it enough on the 'ol blog sometimes. Other times, like you I try to keep it in and make myself sound positive when I don't feel like it. I really think it is healthier to let all that yucky stuff out once in a while, and who is safer to have it out with than your best friends. Hope you are better today. Love you!
cher, i think the best thing you could do is just have the knowledge of exactly what you're dealing with.
make that appointment to get it all checked out, and soon, so that you can relax and enjoy your summer. you deserve it. love ya.
Waiting...
Karen-me to....
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