We have just gotten back from dinner to celebrate "A"'s nine year old birthday. It was exactly at this time 9 years ago when I was pushing like crazy. The nurse had come in at 7 PM and said "Ok" you can push. I was elated and already exhausted after having been induced at midnight the night before. Naively I start pushing and she walks out the door. Hmmmm where are you going, I am sure he is going to pop out any minute-I had watched babies being born on tv I knew how it worked. Well ok was SUPPOSED to work.
2 hours lateer-yes 2! He finally arrives, of course not the way we had planned. After getting stuck "A "came out gray and floppy and none of the usual crying and the NICU nurses rushing in. Not how a first time mom ever imagines it, not getting to hold your baby and him being taken away to the NICU. So I go to the nicu seeing him with all his stuff on and cry back in my room by myself. THIS was the first time in my life I truly realized what FEAR was-the heart stopping kind where you can't get a breath. The jolting feeling in my heart, the thousand worries running through my head and the realization that I would give anything, ANYTHING for this baby to be safe, well happy and be able to hold him. At four AM the next morning I did, all by myself in the quiet and dark with no one but me and him. Now nine year later I still go in to his room each night when he is sleeping and pick him up or give him a kiss, in the dark and the quiet just him and me.
3 comments:
What an amazing story Cher. Thank you for sharing that. Tell A Happy B-day from me and my poochies!
i always wonder if other parents could possibly love their kids as much as i do. i think you just answered my question...
Great story, Cher. Who would have thought we had it in us, to love these little people so desperately?
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