Family

I have a lovely teacher coworker who is a not-so-secret-artist (like with actually gallery work) who makes money during her free time doing photos. I loved her stuff and even though we only do family pics (real ones that are not by me and INCLUDE me) only 3 years, I just knew she would be perfect to do ours. I had a special request that I knew I could afford if she did them. She loves old barns and machinery and I told her my in-laws homestead had all of that and if she was willing to ride with us she could take all the pics of all the stuff she wanted to. So we all gussied up, bribed children with the promise of ice cream, and battled billions-I mean billions of bugs to snap 500 pics, yes 500. This was one she sent to me right away while she edits the others-she knew I needed instant gratification obviously. I took one look and I loved it. I took more looks at it. I sent it to hubby, it was were he grew up after all and holds many memories, not all good.
I asked him if he got it, he said "Yeah it was good" and in the next breath says, "It is just so depressing, there is nothing left".
Hubby grew up in this huge open space with a family very different from mine-not much needs to be said there. His grandma-his rock through all the chaos still lives in a falling down house, with iffy plumbing and refuses to leave the land she became a wife and mother on. I know it is hard for him to see it, to see her age.
I then went to a conference today with some of my favorite women coworkers, strong, professional tough women. Some of them whose family lives are falling apart. They are torn, torn between working their asses off and alientating or robbing their spouses and children of time. Living with husbands who are threatened by their drive and tenaciousness. Torn between wanting to be happy and yet afraid to change because of children involved.
I then thought of my own family-not the one I created, but the one I was born to. I think of the strained relationship with my mom (of my own making I know). And I think of Karen and her mommy and her desire to just see her one more time. I then feel like the worst daughter in the world. I think of Carey and her mom-we both know why.
This family thing is complicated, and I think of the picture, and the farm, and the four of us and that moment time pictured there. And I think of how LUCKY I am to be standing with a hubby who supports me and is proud of me, pushes me to do what I NEED and WANT. I think of my parents who got me there, they deserve credit for sure. I think of hubby and for better or for worse how his family had a role in the person who he is now. I think of Big and Small Fry and how they have NO idea how UNCOMPLICATED it all is in that one moment of time.

This aging thing is a tough gig, I really hope I am up to it. This family thing is a tough gig to but I wouldn't change it for the world-past, present, or future.